It is Quinn Fabray's fault that Tina can't have sex with her boyfriend.
Intellectually, Tina knows this isn't true or fair, but that's what it feels like, and as long as she isn't attacking Quinn in the halls of McKinley in a fit of misdirected sexual frustration, Tina feels justified in her sulk.
News of Quinn's pregnancy shocked Mr. and Mrs. Chang to their middle class core; doubly so when they found out the identity of the father. They were "good kids"—members of McKinley's Celibacy Club, involved in athletics, devote in their religions. On paper they sound like ideal children, and if it can happen to them, then the Changs worry it can happen to Mike, who hasn't taken a vow of abstinence and would rather dance with girls than redirect his sexual urges into a more aggressive game of football.
So his parents became instantly and intensely suspicious of any girl that Mike spends time with, and it only got worse when they began dating officially instead of just stealing kisses when they were supposed to be patrolling the camp after lights out.
Tina would have stolen a whole lot more than kisses if she'd known she'd be left with nothing but supervised dates once summer was over.
It's just not fair, because Mike, in addition to being absolutely (no pun intended) hot, is also helpful and considerate and respectful. She knows he will never gossip about her in the locker room, the way he never talks about any of the cheerleaders that have doubtlessly come before her. (She may have been a little paranoid about Sectionals, but just because they weren't then doesn't mean they haven't ever; Brittany frequently talks about her conquest of the football team, and Tina is coming to terms with it, even if she is bitterly jealous that Brittany got something from her boyfriend that she has been denied for months now.) She knows he would be as concerned about getting her off as getting himself off, and when she imagines some of the moves he could do on a bed... well, carpal tunnel syndrome is becoming a very real concern of hers.
Tina doesn't actually want to have sex at school, what with Jacob and the A/V Club always lurking around, eager for the next piece of school gossip, but it's getting to the point where the most action she can get is in empty classrooms. And even that doesn't go past pressing up against him and kissing him deeply.
At least Mike tries to make up for the parking brake on their physical relationship by taking her on interesting dates. Unlike Artie, he takes her complaints to heart and shakes things up from the usual dim sum routine. In the months following their duet, they branch out to other restaurants. For Halloween they dress up (Mike as fat Elvis, complete with bedazzled white jumpsuit, and Tina as a vampire; when she lets him in on the joke, he laughs hard and kisses her) and go to every haunted house within driving distance, finally losing his parents after the fifth one. It's the most consideration for her goth interests anyone has ever shown her, and she may have jumped him if they hadn't been surrounded by little kids.
His parents put the kibosh on going to see Rocky Horror Picture Show while it's at the revival theater, as if they think Tina and Mike won't think about sex if they're not seeing it, but they do manage to catch Forever Plaid and Riverdance as part of the Broadway in Lima series at the civic center. He also manages to talk his parents out of chaperoning their dates, so long as he provides receipts to prove they went where they said they were going.
The first time they go out with that stipulation, Tina wants to just buy the skates for the receipt and then leave the rink and go park somewhere instead. But Mike is pretty adamantly against it, and once they're on the ice and she starts thinking with her brain, she agrees with him. Glee had done a lot to combat her shyness in the last year and a half, but she would die of shame if they got caught. She would get Kurt to smuggle her into Dalton before she would show her face at McKinley after that.
They do have fun. Mike is just as good a skater as he is a dancer, and they have fun holding hands and spinning around the rink. She just wants more.
Kurt ends up being the one she vents her dissatisfaction to; she's not about to say a word to Santana or Brittany, both of whom likely have had sex with Mike, and Rachel and Quinn actually want to remain celibate, and she's not thoughtless enough to complain to Mercedes. But Kurt goes to an all-boys boarding school with a no-touching-below-the-waist policy and a curfew and room checks; if anyone can understand her frustration, it's him. He doesn't have any solutions to offer, but it's a relief simply to complain sometimes.
Since they're not getting physical, and Mike is really dedicating himself to coming up with something different every time they go out, they end up doing a lot of things Tina would have never thought to do on her own. Miniature golf, which is just unusual enough to be on the fun side of lame—and it helps that every time Mike gets a ball in he does the most ridiculous touchdown dance that he possibly can for her amusement. They go to a planetarium, and she gets to put the seat up between them and spoon up against him under the stars. The botanical garden isn't really her thing, but she gets really into the paintball game. They go to Cedar Point and try to ride every ride, but they admit defeat after number forty-nine.
Every time they go driving somewhere Mike makes a mix CD for her; Tina knows because it's always the stuff she loves but Mike never listens to himself: Florence + The Machine, Björk, Marina & The Diamonds, Regina Spektor, and so on. She leans drowsily against the window and just watches him, since it seems that's all she's allowed to do, while "I want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand" issues mockingly from the speakers.
Vocal Adrenaline wins Regionals. So... that sucks.
But for the moment they have four hotel rooms split between the twelve of them and minimal-to-the-point-of-nonexistent adult supervision, and they are determined to enjoy themselves. They're in Indianapolis until the morning, when the cheap bus they rented comes back from that drug run, or whatever it was the driver was transporting in the cargo hold that meant their luggage had to ride up with them.
Artie and Brittany manage to smuggle in alcohol by putting the bottles between his back and the wheelchair, and as soon as Mr. Schue and Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell disappear to have a moment, Puck is removing caps with his belt buckle. Twenty minutes into it Kurt shows up to a great deal of cheering and one-armed hugs, complaining he would have been there sooner but he had to hide a gavel.
It almost doesn't matter how unlikely it is New Directions will be given another stay of execution, and that Glee will be no more next year. Tina remembers how inconsolable she was this time last year, crying on Mr. Schue's couch, and she wonders why she doesn't feel that same loss now. Turning the thought over in her head, she thinks it's as much about how the group's changed as how she's changed. Had Glee ended a year ago, they would have all just fallen back into their old social niches, but they've all been completely alienated by their old peers by now. Except Lauren, but then, Lauren is... Lauren.
Tina curls up in one corner of the room with a bottle and Mercedes and Kurt. She loves everyone in Glee, even stupid cock-blocking Quinn, but she thinks she'll always love these two the most; they were there from the very beginning, rolling their eyes at Rachel's antics, and they were the first people aside from her parents to friend her on facebook. They start cutting into Vocal Adrenaline with bitchy comments that make less sense the more they drink.
Artie and Brittany are the first couple to leave the party; they unload the last of the liquor, then roll into the adjacent hotel room and lock the door behind them for privacy—and to muffle the cat-calls, Tina would think. Lauren leads Puck by the belt to the room across the hall after that, and as Mercedes and Kurt begin discussing the often-times bizarre, unidentifiable-geometric-shaped love connections in Glee, Tina stares hard at Mike. He's in a conversation with Sam, who keeps trying to weasel the secret of his abs out of him:
"I do football. And dance."
"But what do you eat?"
Sam, who must be a little drunk himself, is petting Mike's abdomen through his shirt wistfully, and okay, this is way too much for Tina to take. She is not going to let Sam get further with her boyfriend than her. "'Cuse me," she says to Kurt, putting a hand on his shoulder to brace herself as she gets to her feet.
Kurt's head is lolling against Mercedes' shoulder, and he mumbles to her, "Yes, go make him make a man out of you."
She swats him lightly, strides purposely up to Mike, elbows Sam out of the way, and half shoves/half pulls him into the last empty hotel room. "Tina," Mike gasps a little when she kisses him and backs him up to the bed, but instead of falling back onto it he grasps her shoulders and holds her off. "Wait. You're drunk—"
"I am not," she says, and his concern may have been the sweetest thing in the world if it wasn't interfering with the making out. "Really, Kurt is a bottle hog, I'm not even tipsy."
Mike glances nervously at the door. "We can't do this now."
"Why not? I can go get a condom from Santana—"
"No!" Mike says, surprisingly forcefully; sure, the prospect of asking Santana for a condom doesn't thrill Tina, either, but it's not like all of Glee isn't going to know anyway...
Tina frowns a little down at her hands, which are splayed flat against his chest.
She's not the girl she was two years ago, faking a stutter just because she couldn't bare to talk to people, but that doesn't mean all of her insecurity has just vanished.
"Don't you... want to?"
"I want to, Tina," he says swiftly. "I really, really want to. But..."
Tina knows that look. It's the same one he got before their duet and, she imagines, the one he had on his face when he was psyching himself up to first join Glee.
And then everything just clicks.
"Oh my God," she says, taking her hands off of him and taking a step back. "You're a virgin."
Mike rubs his elbow. "Is that a problem?"
"No, no," Tina assures him hurriedly. "I just thought..." Well, that the moment they had the opportunity, Mike would be all for a ravishing. She never anticipated this would be something she might have to coax him through. "You're a football player."
"There are a lot of football traditions I never took part in," Mike mumbles. "Trying to have sex with every Cheerio on the squad. Throwing eggs at Rachel. Vandalizing Kurt's house. Locking Artie in the port-a-potties..."
"Okay, I get it," Tina interrupts. Mike sits down on the very edge of the bed, and after a moment, Tina joins him and clasps one of his hands between hers. "I'm... sorry for assuming."
Mike smiles down at their hands, running a thumb over her knuckles, and Tina bites her lip and suppresses a shiver. "We can take it slow?" she suggests, trying to keep her voice steady. Even a "proceed with caution" sign would be preferable to the gigantic "stop" sign she's been working with since the end of summer.
"Yeah." Mike gives her such a relieved look, she smiles back and squeezes his hand. Tina gets it; really she does. Mike is an amazing performer, but he's not a very confident one. He feels better when he can practice and practice and practice, like he did for Sectionals, getting every move as close to perfect as he can. And Tina is far from opposed to the idea of being practiced on.
She's about to suggest some making out, maybe some under-the-shirt groping, when the thunk of a heavy headboard hitting the wall startles them both; and then they hear Lauren shout out, "Yes, Edward, fill me with your impossible vampire spawn!"
Tina and Mike stare at each other, and then they dissolve into laughter, clutching one another.
"Oh, my God," Tina giggles. "I'm so glad I have no idea what she's talking about."
"Let's go back to the others," Mike suggests, and Tina nods in agreement. She doesn't think a private moment with her boyfriend should really include listening to Lauren narrate her and Puck's kinky roleplaying in the next room.
Mercedes is attending to Kurt, who's groaning something incoherent about Ursula trying to steal his voice and leaning over the toilet. Quinn and Rachel have fallen asleep on top of one another, across Finn, and he's trying to squirm out from under them without waking them up. Sam is lying on the floor, having apparently gotten tangled up in removing his shirt, fallen over, and given up on getting up again. Santana is looking completely sober and flipping through the channels on the TV. She glances over at them when they come in and lifts a pointed eyebrow. "That was quick."
"Twilight was a mood killer," Tina says, settling onto the bed that Finn, Rachel, and Quinn aren't filling to overflowing. Mike curls up against her and she snuggles into his chest, hugging one of his arms around her middle. She stares unseeingly at whatever Santana is watching, all of her attention taken up by the way Mike's limbs go lax around her and his breath evens out against her neck. She feels infused with warmth and comfort, and some of the craving eases. (Not all of it, though; she's only human, after all.)
It's not the sleeping with her boyfriend that she's been hoping for, but it's a damn good start.